Healing The Yoni

The Yoni has become more fashionable as a word of late, indeed so has Tantra. In case you have not been informed “Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for vagina. Tantra is also a Sanskrit word which means to weave. This gives rise to a facet of tantra, which is “Tantric” sex. This is a massive subject worthy of a whole blog (and there are some great ones), but for this blog post I would encourage readers to just see it as a conscious awareness of energy between partners during love making. It’s an absolute game changer, but I am by no means an expert, in fact I have only just started to explore this with my partner.

This is a blog post about how awareness of energy can lead to healing, how important the Yoni is, and how conscious love-making can bring about real healing events.

In my recent post about “Co-dependence”, I went on to mention that because I chose to work with my emotions after a stressful event, it enabled me to connect to my partner on a deep level. I believe, at least partly, that this happened because I STAYED CONSCIOUS. Had I not, I would have slipped into monster mode and either had a drink, or perhaps become angry and frustrated with my partner. Either of these paths and we probably wouldn’t have ended up in bed together that evening!

You see, staying conscious enables us to be with our energy, observe where we are at and figure out how to do something about it. It just gives us that “Moment of clarity” before we slip into our usual habits and respond from a place of hurt and fear.

So what’s all this got to do with healing the Yoni then, I hear you ask. Let me try and explain.

My partner and I were both rather tired, we had been working for 7 days on the trot, and the stressful events of the day had made the atmosphere a little tense. She also has some ongoing family issues that stresses her out regularly. So we decided we needed to connect and unwind together. I suggested that we start with some massage and see where we went after that. So I set a pleasant mood in the bedroom with candles and music. We both did some of our energy disciplines before we started, in this case the grounding and isolation meditation. This works helps us especially if we have become ungrounded by stress or unresolved anger. It really just balances the 2 principal energies in the body, fire chi and water chi. It also isolates us from picking up energy from other people (this happens naturally but can affect you more when you start working with your energy).

After spending at least half an hour concentrating on working out the knots and stress in the main muscle groups, I started with the lighter and more erotic touching, working a lot on the breasts before moving to the yoni. There is a technique I highly recommend reading about called “Yoni massage”, it is a series of touches and strokes designed to awaken and heal the vagina. If nothing else, your partner will be overjoyed with the extra attention here without feeling the need to reciprocate or be penetrated.

Above and either side of the pubic bone there are a number of tendons and ligaments. I remember studying these in yoga, they are called “white tissue” and a lot of stress can be held here. They become tense and shorten causing further tension in the muscles they are connected to. I seem to have an instinct when it comes to massage so I started working in this area. Even the lightest touch seemed to cause her considerable pain. I encouraged her to breathe into the area and try to let the tension go. I did this for a while until I felt that she had got a little relief, and then moved on to the yoni. I always love to do this for her, the warm feeling of the yoni covered in oil is so sensual and erotic. However this time I was not getting the feeling that it was the right time to penetrate her, even with a finger. This was very much just a feeling I got by tuning in to the energy of our bodies combined. I carried on massaging the outer areas of the yoni for a little while longer and then simply lay on top of her to embrace. This is an important position in Tantra as the energy centres of the heart and genitals are aligned. This can lead to energy flowing between partners (very much like a good long hug).

In Tantra and working with the subtle energies of the body, we find that there is an intelligence within. If we listen well to our bodies, we find that they tell us what they want to do. As I continued to embrace her, I felt my penis harden, but it was different this time, it was almost as if it was getting magnetically drawn towards the yoni. This only lasted for a couple of minutes until I felt the energy change and my penis started to back away.

I spent a few more minutes in the embrace, did some energy work to help her ground, then we started to talk about the experience we’d just had. What I learnt was fascinating. I’ve asked her to write in her own words.

“I have a long history of sexual trauma, which I have spent many years trying to heal from, using energy work and other healing modalities, such as SHEN therapy. Paul and I have recently embarked on a journey into Tantric sex, and so far, the experience has been quite remarkable. He gave me the most sensual full body massage, which was also deeply relaxing, slowly working his way towards my yoni. Initially when he started massaging around the yoni area, I felt a great deal of tension, which he encouraged me to breath into. We practised this a few times, and slowly I started to feel the tension leave my yoni area. At the same time that was happening, I started to feel a great deal of sadness for my yoni, it had never been treated with that kind of love, attentiveness and deep tenderness before. I saw and felt for the first time in my life, just how sacred a yoni truly is, how beautiful it really is, and just how much it should be treated with love and attentiveness, not just used as a play thing. I also saw for the first time how important it was to listen to what the body was saying and what it really wanted. I felt a great deal of empathy for all the woman in the world who force themselves, or are forced, to do things they don’t really want to do. In doing so they cause a lot of stress and hurt to the yoni, causing a great deal of emotional distress at the same time.

This beautiful experience with Paul, really helped me feel connected to myself, in a very deep way, a way I had not experienced before. It has inspired me in many ways, to take better care of the most sacred part of myself, and listen to what it wants… it’s also inspired me to keep on this path of exploring Tantric sex. I hope more woman are lucky enough to experience this kind of connectedness, I felt deeply connected to my own self as well as to my partner.”

I fear that a dreadfully high number of women have suffered some sort of sexual abuse or unloving sex or at least sex that is not performed consciously. I would say that these experiences could very well cause lasting trauma that is held in and around the sexual organs.

My last few years has been all about learning how to release stress and trauma held within my body. So assisting someone else in doing this felt very rewarding and right for me.

I would hope that one day all men will realise that they have a vital role to play in helping the world to heal. This can start at the level of assisting our lovers to heal by becoming conscious when it comes to love making.

I believe that practising some sort of energy work would be a great way to start to achieve this. To get to that place where we can help others heal, we must at least start to attend to some of our own stuff. And that is what the majority of “Real Healing” is about. So even if you start off with some yoga and meditation work, it’s a step in the right direction, to become more connected with your body and energy. For as the Dao De Jing stated “Even a journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.”